Behind this happy bare face:
◾ I go to 𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝗶𝘀𝘁𝘀 since 𝟯𝗿𝗱 𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗱𝗲. I know almost every dermatologist in town I guess. I’m out of doctors acne creams and such since uni tho. Mix my own skincares since then.
◾ I got my first 𝗴𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗲𝘀 on 𝟯𝗿𝗱 𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗱𝗲. Managed lenses by high school because i didn’t like my photos with glasses on.
◾ I got my 𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲𝘀 since 𝟰𝘁𝗵 𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗱𝗲. Long before that i went to many orthodentist too but I’m not of age yet to get braces. And i’m out of braces in my third year of uni. I changed doctor 3 times and in total of approximately 11 years braces journey LOL.
I used to do all the treatment with a mindset “𝗱𝗼-𝗶𝘁-𝘀𝗼-𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲-𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹-𝘀𝗲𝗲-𝘆𝗼𝘂-𝗮𝘀-𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘁𝘆-𝗮𝘀-𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀”. And I thank myself for always trying the best, but I do it 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 now. You define your beauty. And you define your own perfection. 𝙏𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙠 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙣𝙤𝙬 ❤️
My SECONDATE was not expected as a date as me and my boyfriend haven't even started dating yet. 🤪
So he was one of my classmates during my first year in uni. And when the midterm test season was coming, he suddenly called me and it was our very first interaction through phones (YES, we never even chat) and his alibi was because it was urgent so he preferred a phone call over text. Through the phone call, he asked me whether I will be available tomorrow to tutor him statistics and mechanical physics.
That day, which supposed to be a "studying day", turned out to be a DATE! We did not study at all because as soon as I arrived at the mall he appointed, he asked me to watch a movie with him. Moreover, he asked me for accompanion to go to a department store to meet his sister (which he never introduces to any girls before) and had meals together. 😂
For me, it was the trickiest way a guy ever tried to ask me on a date!
As for my secondate with my current boyfriend (back then we're not official yet) , we're watching a movie called Jumanji. Since it's only our second time going out, we're still kind of awkward. While watching the movie, he suddenly stood up and go to the toilet ( he's asking his guy friend for advices!!🤣) .When he's back, I kind of sense something suspicious about him because he looks so agitated somehow. My left hand was placed on his armrest and I wonder why he kept looking at my left hand's direction and his hand was like trying to grab mine but then he always failed to do so. I wanted to laugh when I knew what he's planning to do but I kept my poker face and pretend not to know it. He never dated anyone before so I knew he's clueless SO I decided to tease him a little bit.
When I saw that he's going to grab my left hand, I lift my lefthand pretending to scratch my head so he won't succeed. A few minutes later, he asked me "Tanganmu ga dingin?" & I teased him again "Ga, kenapa? Lu dingin?" and he said YES while blowing his hand. At this point I wanted to laugh so so bad alr. Then he gave up and said "Ah udahlah sini tanganmu" and I'm still acting dumb "eh untuk apa?" & he replied "uda sini aja" then he intertwined our fingers and finally I burst out laughing 😂
I feel so bad for teasing him cos he had no idea that he's so oblivious. I told him that I knew it all along, he crunched his face and embarrassed as heck. #secondatestory
I still remember the day where I first put my fingers inside my throat as 'Mia' whispered softly to me; "to be accepted, you need to be skinnier."
She reached out to me when I was alone, lost in the dark with no faith of myself. Her longing hands offered me help. as she promises me guidance that I was seeking. It was a trap, though.
The promises were just an illusion. 'Mia' chose me, and she tricked me. She made me believe that I'll be worthless without her, so I got addicted. I fall out of love with everything I once appreciated, including myself. I hated myself, and I only found comfort in harming my body. I was drugged, and in a blink of an eye, I lost myself.
But a light saved me.
It was faith. It made me believe that to survive, I don't need to be strong all the time. I just need to accept myself and believe that I have a purpose in life; and that is to be me. To live myself as Naila, and to hold on to it as best as I can.
Thank you, Bulimia, for passing by as another great lesson. 💖
"Nobody's perfect, but it's okay cause you're beautiful for who you are"
"si tinggi", "si jangkung", atau "si gigantisme" kyknya udh jadi label dari diri gw sejak sd. yups, itu karena tinggi badan gw yg di atas rata-rata cewek lain. Gw ngerasa insecure dengan tinggi gw dan akhirnya gw jd super tertutup. Selain itu, gw juga berusaha untuk jadi sama kyk yang lain dengan cara bungkukin badan gw. Ini bener-bener jadi habit gw sampe SMP.
Nah pas SMP, gw dibawa ke kursus modeling krn my mom mikir biar gw belajar perbaikin postur tubuh dan attitude dsana. Gw inget setiap gw kursus, pasti gw marah2 sampe gw nangis2 ke my mom krn gw gk mau kursus. Akhirnya mungkin krn gw capek marah ya, lama2 tuh jadi yaudh gw ladenin aja tuh kursus. Sampe di suatu saat, gw lagi jalan nih di mall dan gw tiba2 disuruh ikut lomba modeling. Super unpredictable, dengan terpaksa gw ikut dan ternyata gw dapat juara favorit. Dari situ juga gw ketemu banyak orang yg nawarin gw buat scoutting model.
Dan akhirnya dari situ gw nemuin the beauty of my flaws. Dulu gw ngeliat tinggi badan gw tuh kekurangan gw but turns out itulah yang bawa gw ke banyak pengalaman hidup.✨
"Your lips areso bad”, “always kissing huh?, "I heard you kissed him?”. Itu yang orang selalu bilang sama aku sejak kecil about my lips aku malah suka insecure dan jadinya suka ngaca liat bibir aku yg tebel gini sampai satu hari ada pikiran buat gimana ya supaya org nggak nilai aku seperti itu? Tapi mustahil banget sampai akhirnya I saw Kylie Jenner. Dari dia kecil sampai skrng lihat bibir dia and I was like “Apa yang dia lakukan sehingga berani mengambil keputusan untuk menebalkan bibirnya?" Dan mulai drstu aku amazed dan merasa harus bersyukur. Sampai ada temen aku bilang “Bibir lo keren tebel gw suka, kalau pakai lip product keliatan nggak kyk gw tipis" dan dari situ mulai merasa percaya diri even kalau foto senyum nampakin bibir, orang suka panggil aku Kylie 😬😬✌️
I’m a survivor!
Long time ago when I was young & confused, not knowing what “CONSENT” was until I found out what it actually means, I always blamed myself for what had happened. I was unconscious when it happened, and the next thing was I found myself crying for hours. But then again, in life, we have two choices when something horrible happen to us. We can grieve and turn away from finding peace, or we can pick ourselves up, move on and learn from the experience. So that we can evolve into a stronger individual. Thank you, Mich, for picking yourself up and comes out better. 🤗
Love, me, myself and I 💖
Dulu disaat aku mulai memberanikan diri untuk masuk ke dunia "per-makeup-an”, aku disambut dengan comment kalau makeup aku terlalu natural dan ga kelihatan seperti makeup, tapi sekarang aku baru nyadar kalo makeup natural itu sudah jadi my signature makeup dan aku makin percaya diri untuk mendalami skill yang aku punya di dunia makeup ✨💕
I started to feel insecure the time when the people around me said, "yaampun kurus banget sih lu, udah gede jugaa." Yes I know now I am 17 years old and I know that my weight is not ideal. Berat badan-ku cuma 30-an sekarang dan ya, aku ngerasa it's not good for me, but I know that it's a genetic factor for me. Aku selalu berusaha buat naikin berat badan aku, tapi ya itu susah karena emang gen aku begitu, but I keep trying y'all.
Meskipun sekarang berat aku belum ideal, tapi aku berusaha nerima diri aku sendiri. Semua itu karena ada satu pribadi yang bener-bener mencintai aku apa adanya. The person is God 🙂 He doesn't care what kind of state our body is, but God sees our hearts that accept us as we are. So don't worry y'all, cause you're special in His eyes 😉
Aku tumbuh di lingkungan keluarga yang saat itu toxic banget. Papa & mamaku cerai when I was just 5 years old. dan aku tinggal sama papa. I don't remember anything except my mom crying di jalanan, calling me and my brother’s name. Sejak itu papa selalu berusaha buat aku bahagia. Tapi, anak mana yang ga sedih.. ketika hari ibu, dan sekolah buat acara mengundang seluruh ibu, hanya aku yang tidak di dampingi mama. Tapi papaku sabar dan aku dibawa kegereja saat aku kelas 1 sd dan aku mulai pelayanan. And I really really love it. Aku yang saat itu bahkan belum 10 tahun mengerti bahwa apa yang terjadi dalam hidupku, pasti yang terbaik dan sudah dirancang sama Tuhan. Nilai plusnya? Aku tumbuh menjadi gadis yang kuat dan dewasa 🙂💪
Aku dari dulu selalu diomongin jelek sama temen-temen. Yang item lah, dekil lah, terlalu kurus lah, aku tau mereka semua cuma bercanda, tapi tetep aja sakit hati. Aku insecure for almost 4 years, tapi waktu liburan 2019 kemarin, aku mulai tau tentang skincare and makeup, aku juga mulai belajar tentang fashion, it may not change my physical appearance drastically, tapi aku udah bisa belajar cara untuk mencintai diri sendiri, aku berhasil gain confidence di diri aku. And it was worth it, it was the best glow up in my life✨
People mocked me a lot back then because of my appearance, I put a lot of effort to change it, to get “noticed” by them. But I guess I was wrong, everyone has their own style. Especially when I learned about makeup, I realized that makeup honestly shouldn’t make you insecure or even compare yourself to others. But it’s supposed to enchance your real beauty that you already have. The truth about beauty is the way we take care of them mentally and physically. Remember, PUT YOURSELF AS YOUR TOP PRIORITY✨🥀
My secondate story kali ini tentang #lovelife ku sama my ex boyfriend that was super toxic. Bener-bener belajar banyak dari 3 tahun pacaran sama dia. At this point aku belajar bahwa “we can’t heal at the same place with where we got sick”. Selama pacaran, I always keep telling to my self “it's okay Sharleen”, “he loves you”, “everyone makes mistakes”. But the truth is: it's not OK and I made a huge mistake too that I forgot to love myself. He’s such a proplayer for playing victim and he does whatever he wants. My worst nightmare is his mom. When we were dating, kita ga bisa post foto kita, gabisa nonton film di mall. Dan fyi, aku gabole pergi sama temen-temen aku karena mamanya yang protective ke dia dan dia did the same to me. And in that case, aku selalu hargain effort dia buat pergi sama aku. Tapi di satu sisi mama dia “has a standard for her son’s woman” dan di situ aku super insecure banget. Aku berusaha banget buat selalu bilang ke diri aku “you will survive this recovery”. Suatu waktu, kita lagi pergi dan mamanya tau kalo dia selama ini masih contact aku & di titik dimana mamanya came to my house and she told my mom to not bother her son anymore. It was like, what have I done? Her son cheated on me dan he makes an excuse like “biar aku bisa pergi sama kamu terus mamaku ga ributin aku.” Padahal aku ga pernah ganggu anaknya dan anaknya yang selalu intimidate aku kalo aku putusin dia, dia bakal lakuin apapun biar ga putus. Di saat aku udah putusin dia, itu hal yang paling aku gabisa lupain sampai sekarang. Self-note: harus banget sayang sama diri sendiri. Itu hal paling penting sih! 💕
We met on Tinder. We decided to give it a shot and we met up at a mall. I brought tazer just in case he's a bad person LOL.
We decided to have lunch at Sushi Tei. Then we talked A LOT, we clicked right away!
But then there were strange coincidences, we just found out that we came from the same high school (cuma beda angkatan), we both are from the same church, both accidently wore pink clothes, and our home keychains are EXACTLY THE SAME.
It's like our paths have nearly crossed so many times before, but it never did.. until Tinder 😂
We ended up going on a second date, and we've been dating ever since. He's now my boyfriend! ❤️
2nd date aku itu jatuh pas banget di hari Halloween. Dulu, aku belum dibolehin pacaran sama mama hehehe jadi harus sneak out of the house, pake embel-embel mau ke rumah temen. Dari rumah temen, aku dijemput deh sama cowo yang waktu itu 3 tahun lebih tua dari aku. Mungkin aku ga kebiasa ya bohong sama mama, soalnya aku panik banget dan paranoid liat belakang mulu, takut ada orang yang kenal aku terus laporin mama HAHA. The date went well but the relationship didn’t.. Oops HAHA 😂 that was my last date with him. Pelajarannya: jangan date in hiding! Gak bakal tahan!
It's been a long journey, I used to get bullied for having big curly hair when I was younger and I straightened it for years but after that I'm finally proud to say I love my natural hair 😊#LoveYourCurls 👩🏼🦱✨💕🧚♀
Since I was a kid, I have always dreamed on becoming a model someday but well, I was just a kid. People thought it was a stupid thing to say, as I used to be a fat kid. Well, I don’t give up that easily so I started to become even more confident & embrace my body the way it is. There were not many curvy models back then, but I believed that I could make it into the modeling industry. Fast-forward to today, it is the most memorable thing I did for myself. By believing in me. Big thanks to my agency who has been so kind and loving, it’s like a dream come true 💖
So this is my date story with my ex boyfriend 😂 We were going to watch a movie but we were so stupid back then , we literally didn’t buy tickets in advance and couldn’t get two tickets next to each other, but we decided to watch the movie. So we ended up sitting on opposite sides of the theater and when the movie ended , we were like “ok great experience but no more” ✌
When I dated my first boyfriend, my best friend at university was also dating her first. That didn’t turn out too well because we broke up over the phone when I'm out of town. That day, I came back to my best friend to find out that she also broke up with hers exactly on the same date. We cried together, but can't help to laugh at the coincidence.
Months later, I finally moved on and went out on my secondate, I asked my best friend to come with me and my now boyfriend brought his. We went to IKEA for the date; my best friend AND his best friend hit it off better! It felt like me and my boyfriend were the third-wheeler, but it’s funny that we enjoy walking a few steps back and talk about how they really enjoyed each other’s company. This became not only mine but OUR secondate 🌈
For my secondate i went to pittsburgh for a 4-hour road trip. It was early in the morning, so i packed us sandwiches for breakfast, and we were really excited to go to this museum. When i looked up the place, it seemed really cute and instagrammable. But then, when we got there, the place was 10x smaller than in the photos, and there were some shady-looking people. But since we still didn't know each other well, i would feel bad if i disliked the place that he picked, so i pretended to be impressed and took pictures of the place when it turns out he was scared too but he pretended to like the place because he thought that i was having a good time. So we took some awkward photos, and pretended we couldn’t speak english when the scary-looking people came near us. Even after all that it was still a fun date and we both had a good time. The long drive to a different city and exploring new places was definitely one of the most memorable dates 💕
Waktu itu aku lg pdkt sama mantan temen sekelas waktu kuliah, trus tiba-tiba dia ngajakin temenin ke kondangan untuk first date kita. As expected, the date ended fast and awkward haha
For the second date, dia ngajakin aku pergi ngopi. Terus pas di jalan agak bingung kok jauh banget ga nyampe-nyampe sampai ke pegunungan gitu cuma buat ngopi doang, but the date went well and fun, tapi waktu jalan pulang sempet sebel sih karena mantannya telepon terus hahaha. Waktu ditanya kenapa waktu itu ngajak pergi jauh banget, ternyata biar di jalannya lama dan ga buru-buru harus pisah lol. Btw, he's my fiancé now, doain ya guys 💖
Since I was young, I've always been easily distracted about what I wanted to be. First, I wanted to be a designer. Then, I wanted to be a psychologist. Then, I wanted to be an SEO guy and even a stylist. And at another point, I wanted to be a product manager. I got swayed easily by a lot of opportunities that life presented to me. Because I tried a lot of things and didn't become a specialist in anything, sometimes it makes me feel like I can't do anything. 😨 But then after some time, I realized that it's okay to be a Jack of all trades. It's okay to be a curious individual and be many things. After all, life is too long to do only one thing, right? 😝
I’ve struggled with insecurity since my first horrible relationship. I have very small eyes. As you guys can see haha. And my crappy exes used to bully me a lot. My first ex literally said that I’m not pretty enough, but he would get really angry and became verbally abusive (ngatain “ngapain? Mau centil lu? Gausah sok cantik”) when I started wearing eyeliner. My second ex even said some horrible stuff like “wtf kenapa gue mau sama lu ya. Lu jelek banget. Mata kecil, hidung jelek, mulut ga tebel. Nyesel”. And it broke me. I was depressed for 2 years, figuring out what went wrong. Wore even more make up to conceal my insecurity. But it’s safe to say, now that I’ve found my soulmate, they all went away. The dark thoughts of not being worthy and pretty enough are not there anymore. And gurl, now I even model sometimes cos people think my eyes are so unique!! Eat that petty exes!! 🤪
I went on a coffee date with a guy and we had a good conversation until we started talking about personality profiles. He asked me what my MBTI was and asked me to guess what his was. He correctly guessed mine - INTJ. And then he proceded to give me a lecture on what that means. He started to guess my childhood traumas and gave me a lecture to what kind of guy I should be dating and marrying. At this point, I started to get weirded out. Then he pulled out a notebook full of his scribblings of different personality profiles. He made a new page and tried to read me by asking me vague questions which was supposed to give him 'insights' to my true self. Bukan psychologist kok guys, dia seorang Banker. Finally, he ripped the page from the notebook and told me to keep it. 🙄🙄🙄
My SECONDATE was through webcam (masih jaman MSN messenger banget nih). Gw sama gebetan janji video call-an jam sekian. Pas gw nelpon, berderingnya lumayan lama. Sambil nunggu dia ngangkat, gw siap2 dulu biar cantik di video. Ngebenerin tali BH dan ngupil dulu. Pas gw lagi tengah2 ngupil ternyata videonya udah nyala 10 detik. AUTO PANIK. Gw matiin call-nya langsung dan 10 menit kemudian gw chat dia, “maaf ya tadi itu kembaranku... dia agak aneh makanya aku gak pernah cerita ke siapa2 aku punya kembaran.” 🙊